How to Make a Proper Bedtime Bottle of Water

June 26, 2022

The Prep

Remove the lid from the bottle, throw out the old water, and rinse the bottle, lid, and straw thoroughly inside and out with hot water.

If the bottle is gross and requires more passionate attention, clean the entire apparatus with hot water and dish soap, and then rinse it all thoroughly with more hot water.

The Ice

Pack the cup a little beyond the top with ice.

Add room temperature water to the ice-packed bottle until the cubes melts a little.

Throw out the melt water and again fill the bottle past the top with ice.

The Water

Run the water cold, and then fill the bottle to the top with fresh water.

Gently navigate the straw through the ice floe you’ve generated, and then confidently thread the top onto the bottle until it’s pretty tight.

If the bottle has a secondary lid, flip that closed.

The Prestige

Now. The most important step. The one that proves you’re a pro.

Because the user should feel like this is a professional operation conducted by a professional dad, use a clean dish towel or fresh paper towel to wipe the entire exterior of the bottle and lid.

Swab off all excess water or condensation until the bottle is cold—but not wet.

Act like it matters.

The Presentation

Present the bottle to the user as though it’s no big deal, and say your traditional good night.

(You may wish to say, “Have nice sleeps—I LOVE you!” or similar.)

Finally, consider how lucky you are to have someone who still occasionally lets you perform a nearly useless act of love that you always try really hard to do well.

And, remember, everybody likes being given a glass of water.

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